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by doinganap



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i wish dan was heartbroken more often, oh well, this was less than an hour of writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-11 01:29:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12311958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doinganap/pseuds/doinganap
Summary: dan feels heartbreak more than most





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Dan feels heartbreak more than most people. It gnaws at his bones, rots in his molars, rests on his eyelashes. His face flushes for weeks either with tears, holding in tears, or burning embarrassment. Heartbreak singes his jaw, keeping it clenched for hours on end. Heartbreak sleeps in bed with him, thriving in cold sheets.

His first heartbreak was ten years old before a first kiss. Caiden was a year above and captain of the school’s football team and had sandy thick hair and big honey eyes. Essentially the perfect first crush.

His first heartbreak tasted like the pavement pressed into his face after being pushed to the ground. First heartbreak sounded like laughing boys and the noticeable absence of Caiden’s laugh. First heartbreak smelt like sweat and freshly cut grass. First heartbreak looked like a scraped bruise he didn’t explain to his mum when he got home. First heartbreak felt like a loss Dan didn’t understand.

His second heartbreak existed as a gap. It wasn’t definitive or harsh. Erin had been so nice Dan didn’t even feel it at first. That was until he saw her at a fourth freshers party pressed up against another guy infinitely more attractive than anyone living in Wokingham in a DailyBooth upload. It felt like he had fallen behind, created a chasm between him and his friends and Erin. The breakup was so numb and slow most had assumed they had officially broken up before they really had.

“You know I’ve been hanging around some new people right?” This was their last Skype call.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“Hm.”

“I just think it’s… We’ve drifted, Dan.”

“I know.”

Second heartbreak tasted like too much butter on a sandwich his mother made for him. It sounded like his father telling him  _ Erin was a nice girl, real shame _ and  _ There’s a lot more fish in the sea if you know what I mean. _ This heartbreak smelt like bedsheets that hadn’t been washed in three months. This looked like autumn leaves in the garden outside of Dan’s dirt-spotted window. Second heartbreak felt like a heavy weight slowly resting itself in Dan’s stomach.

Dan’s third heartbreak was the worst.

His cheeks matched the blazing sunset outside the wheel carriage and he had to squint to make out Manchester below him. It was only two weeks after breaking up with Erin officially. The weight on his stomach had lifted somewhat, leaving space in his body for happiness with Phil. It filled his chest in the warmest way possible, like hot chocolate or blankets on a brisk day.

“The view is nice right?”

Phil smiled like an idiot, unabashed and genuine. Dan loved it. He wanted to be that happy too.

“I’m actually looking into applying to Manchester next year. If I do, I’ll ride this everyday.” Dan’s words are stupid but Phil makes him stupid so Dan secretly blames Phil for nonsense he says. He’s giddy from the height and company. The sunset reflects off of Phil’s hair.

“If you moved to Manchester, we could hang out everyday!”

The best part is that Phil isn’t even joking.

“For sure.”

This third heartbreak is sharp and unexpected.

“I wish we could hang out forever.”

“Me too.”

Brushing Dan’s hand must have been a mistake.

“Want to get Starbucks after this?”

“We just got some!”

“Yeah?! Like four hours ago!”

Phil’s all flustered and grinning silly at Dan. His hair is a little wind worn and his hoodie could do with some adjusting but Dan couldn’t ask for anything more. It’s so cheesy and his chest is so full of happiness, it’s tight.

Ten seconds later Dan’s lips are a plane crash skidding against Phil’s cheek in clear rejection.

Third heartbreak tasted like blood after biting the inside of his mouth while he waited for the wheel to stop the ride. It sounded like Phil apologizing for nothing because he wouldn’t directly say what Dan just did. It smelt like Starbucks. It looked like Dan’s trainers cuffing the pavement. It felt like a marionette’s strings being cut.

Third heartbreak was the worst.

Phil tries to make up for it by staying up until five in the morning watching Buffy and eating at least ten bags of popcorn. And Dan forgets about it for a bit, occupied with his body and how to keep and lose space between Phil’s body. It’s a game to see how close he can get before shuffling back to square one. His hair’s gone wavy but he doesn’t care for once. If Phil still makes him laugh this much, it shouldn’t matter.

Phil insists Dan share his bed with him.  _ What if a serial killer comes and you’re in the guest room and I can’t get to you in time? I can’t just let you be completely unprotected like that now that I know how physically weak you are. _

This leads to warm sheets and Dan trying not to breathe in too much of Phil’s air. In the dark and pretense of sleep to keep quiet, Dan has time to sink into heartbreak. He feels it prickling up his spine and on the tips of his ears. His throat is thick with it. His chest is empty with it.

“Hey, are you still awake?” This is less of a question and more of a statement from Phil. Dan obliges.

“Obviously.”

Phil turns to face him.

“Are you okay?”

“Sure.”

“You’ve been off since --”

“I’d rather not marinate even more in embarrassment, Phil.”

“But --”

“Listen, I could go without rejection spelled out by the rejector.”

“Can I just --”

“No.”

Dan’s having a bit of a time trying not to cry. Thank God his back is still to Phil. Heartbreak is in his eyes and it kinda hurts.

“Dan, just --”

“No.”

“Dan, I’m not rejecting you.”

Heartbreak takes a pause.

“What?”

“You do realize you broke up with a girlfriend two weeks ago, right?”

Dan hasn’t realized. Oh.

“I don’t want to be some temporary rebound.”

“You wouldn’t be.”

“Excuse me if I’m not completely convinced.”

Heartbreak isn’t kind. Dan turns to face Phil.

“Can I convince you?”

The third heartbreak is the shortest. 

Heartbreak disappears after a nod and chaste press of lips. It’s not even a full kiss, much more a two second peck. It’s so innocent and sweet Dan giggles at how quickly Phil’s eyes had closed. Dan’s hand bumps into Phil’s and it’s not a mistake. Phil’s eyes are bright even in the moonlight streaked bedroom.

“Okay.”

“You can think about it, Phil. I get it. I completely get it now.”

The next night  _ This was the most fun I’ve ever had _ and a longer kiss ensue.

Dan feels love more than most people. Love tastes like Starbucks. Love sounds like Phil giggling in the dark. Love smells like breakfast made by someone else. Love looks like the wrinkles in Phil’s shirt and glimmer in his eyes. Love feels complete.

**Author's Note:**

> hi hoped you liked this shortie


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